death

sorry.. kind of a depressing topic I know.. but yet appropriate for my situation.. my grandpa died at 12:53 this morning.. but what are you honestly suppose to think or to do.. am I suppose to act like nothing is happening.. or skip my class.. I mean my grandpa is gone.. and yes to a better place I know.. but it just doesn't seem fair.. for his lungs to fill with fluid.. and his heart to slow to a stop... for him to be fighting for breathe the last few days.. for my grandpa to be gone.. I know that death is nothing but seperation.. but the seperation kinda stinks.. Death has such negative conotations.. why? My g-pa is going to go and be with our God.. our Lord and Savior for never ending worship and praise.. to be healed from all of his sickness here on Earth.. For his hearing to be perfect.. his lungs holding more air and oxygen than ever before.. no coughing.. no false teeth.. Perfect.. he do all of those things in which he could not do recently.. mow his lawn.. run.. and not be tired.. I know that is where he is going.. and I know it may sound selfish but I wanted him here.. to see me grow up some more.. be at my wedding.. see my kids.. see me graduate.. see me be extremely happy.. I know that he not here physically but he will always be with me... and I know that I will take him on through all of these experiences with me... And I know he will look in on me and smile.. his wonderful smile and can hear the resounding "Janus or Jimmy" and can still see his legs hanging over the edge of the bed as he naps... and can still see him.. chewing without his teeth in.. feel his firm grasp on my thigh as he continuously slaps it.. See him counting his money which seemed to make him only that much more happy.. Can see him in his old man figure.. yet and surprisingly strong.. just sitting in a big comfy chair staring out the window thinking what only he knew.. and I can remember the stories of him cranking is car.. or him complaining about my rat tail and inevitably was the reason why I got rid of it.. I remember going to Ponderosa with him and watching him consume mounds of chicken, bread, and ice cream... can still see him sitting on the porch looking on us in approval as we cut his lawn.. can see him still getting out our bikes from the shed... I love his big glasses... his winter hat.. his gold watch.. his wonderful smile.. and his unmistakeable mumbles of words to God... whether through song or praise.. My grandpa was amazing and I could go on and on about the memories he left me with here on Earth.. His life may have ended here.. but he has only gotten better for it.. Yeah death does stink.. and all of the bad conotations apply.. but you know what.. I know my g-pa.. saw me.. remembers me.. and loves me.. and he will be greatly and immeasureably missed.. but life ends.. and it really does end in a not so pretty way sometimes.. but knowing that my g-pa believed in God takes some of the sting out.. I miss him already.. Skinny pa.. I love you.. and tell everyone I said hi.. and I will see you soon.. Take an extra long nap for me.. and thanks for the countless happy meals.. and amazing shakes...